Caregiver's Kitchen - Seasons Of Life

Folk musician Pete Seeger wrote a song, “Turn, Turn, Turn” popularized by the British rock band The Byrds which was based on Bible verse Ecclesiastes 3:1, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” And so it is.

Should you be called upon to be a caregiver for a family member, know that it is only for a season. Your loved one needs you now. There is no better care than home care, unless the ailing person’s medical needs are such that require constant 24/7 monitoring and medical machinery pertinent to their condition that cannot be replicated at home. Nurse aides can be brought in to help or provide respite care. Hospice workers can aid family members for loved ones who wish to spend their final days at home. It is not easy, but it is actually more affordable. The cost of institutionalized care, even with medical insurance and benefits, is more daunting than most people realize—until they are in a position where they are forced to evaluate their options in the midst of a crisis.

It was my honor and privilege to care for my father in his last years of life, until medically his care was out of my depth. He was at home, where he wanted to be, where he wanted to live out the rest of his life. For as long as possible, that’s what we children did, to honor his wishes. For a number of years, we made it work. Dad was only comfortable at home, where he was King of his Castle.

Then, we no longer had a choice. Dad's condition was beyond our ability to meet his medical needs. It is a different life, once institutionalized, one in which a person showers or is showered when it fits the schedule of the nurse aides; eats when everyone else does; rises and retires according to a schedule; sleeps when it’s convenient for the staff. Socializing and group activities are part of the schedule, even for people who don’t want to be cajoled into interacting with other residents. For an extremely private person like my father, it was very uncomfortable for him to be coerced into institutional life during what was only supposed to be a ten day stay for rehabilitation, and turned into a nightmare.

Granted, some love life in senior residential facilities, enjoy the interactions, appreciate the abundance of activities and crafts, find interesting new friends who share the same stage in life and provide companionable company.

So, there are two sides to the coin. Know that. Weigh the advantages and the disadvantages. Institutional living is not for everyone.

For the family member who is the caregiver, home care is exhausting, but rewarding; frustrating, but satisfying; costly, but not as costly as an institution; and hard, but worth every effort for your loved one.

I have come to a crossroads where it is time for me to take a step back from the subject of caregiving. It became too personal, too painful in my grief; and in order to be objective, I must let some time pass before returning to write about it in a way that will be useful to those involved in caregiving.

Let me say that professional caregiving is a little easier, emotionally, not being related to the patient, but is a very demanding profession, one that I could not continue once Dad passed away. I totally respect all professional caregivers for the thankless work that they do every day, often with an exhausting workload of 15 or more patients per shift for whom they are responsible to provide personal care. It is much like being a new mother, when your baby is totally dependent upon you. It is that demanding, that nerve-wracking, and that critical, caring for the elderly who can no longer care for themselves and could have a medical emergency any second.

One piece of advice a friend passed on to me who took care of her grandmother for over five years until she could no longer physically lift and transfer her grandmother, who was partially paralyzed, and needed to place her in a facility with a Hoyer lift. She said, "When you start to resent taking care of the family member, it's time to give it up. Otherwise, you will become bitter from feeling taken advantage of, and neither of you will enjoy the time together." Family dynamics, especially if you are the only caregiver or doing the bulk of the caregiving, can really discourage the unappreciated caregiver. Don't feel guilty. You have done what you could for as long as you could, and it's best to make other arrangements for your beloved family member when it has become too much of a sacrifice.

STNAs, HHAs, and all the other acronym combinations for those who are not nurses but do assist nurses with this all-important daily care, assisting with minor nursing duties: I have a profound appreciation for the care you give and the dedication you have. You are so much more valued than either this society or your paycheck reflects. May all the good you do return to you throughout your life.

Now, of course, is harvest time. An abundance of fresh, locally grown fruits and vegetables are available, just bursting with flavor and possibilities. I recently decided to grab everything that looked good and have a grilled feast. Corn in the husk (the best way to cook it – the silks slip right off when you husk it after grilling), green peppers, red peppers, sweet onions, Swiss chard, Kale, escarole, beets, tomatoes, peaches (yes, peaches are fabulous when grilled), pineapple, mushrooms, zucchini, pattypan squash (whole, it is small enough to cook a long time until nice and soft on both sides), it all took its turn on the grill. Oil the grate first with a healthy dose of vegetable oil on a paper towel, then fire up the coals until glowing red and ashen. Place veggies and fruit cut-side down (except for pattypan, whole). Drizzle everything with balsamic or cider vinegar and shake salt and pepper or Mrs. Dash (no-salt herb seasoning) on the veggies. Try to wait until there are nice char-lines on the first side before turning over. Round-bottom things, like tomatoes or peaches, just cook on the cut side of each half. My daughter prefers the beets cut up, tossed with olive oil and cider vinegar, salt and pepper, and wrapped in a small foil packet before placed on the grill. If you want to add smoke, wrap wood chips (hickory or other) in a foil packet, poked liberally with a fork, on top of the hot coals and close the vents on the grill lid. Let the heat do the work.

If your cared-for can’t chew or is a choke risk and needs juice, nectar, or honey consistency, use a juicer, blender or food mill to juice or purée the vegetables or fruits for safe, accessible eating. Pass the puréed pulp through a sieve to make sure no seeds or stringy fiber remain, if this is a concern in feeding your loved one. The nutritional benefits remain intact, and the natural flavor is intensified by the caramelization on the cut side from the fiery coals.

Make a nice beverage to accompany your farm-fresh feast and enjoy the summer’s bounty.

As always, thank you for reading the Parma Observer. May you be blessed in your efforts caring for the priceless elderly and disabled people in our lives who depend on all you do. It has been my honor and privilege to share this journey along with you. God bless you, now and always. III John 2: "Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth."

Patty Knox

Editor of the Parma Observer. Graduate of PSH 1974, grew up in Parma, caregiver for Father at family homestead in Parma (Alzheimer's sufferer) to honor parents' wishes, professional violinist/violist, cook & baker, born-again Christian.

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Volume 6, Issue 9, Posted 4:25 PM, 09.01.2014