Planet Earth: Dystopia Or Stepping Stone?

Not a morning goes by I don't wake up grinding-my-teeth furious that, as humans, we're simply not working hard enough to bring this planet down so that we can move to our new home in my lifetime. It's time we admit what the richest people on this planet already know: Earth is just a stepping stone and, though those who've thrived here have done so through adaptation, the new law means colonizing and despoiling of a pristine planet where adaptation can be circumvented, if needed.

Consider it has been an interminable 60 years since Rachel Carson published her seminal book Silent Spring, a well-intentioned but misguided manifesto concerning environmental perils caused by yours truly: homo sapiens. Allegedly concerned with the future of planet Earth, Carson called for its responsible stewardship.

Coincidentally, I recently reached the milestone of inhabiting this wandering, wobbling rock for 60 years and, far as I can see, Carson's legacy has only contributed to Earth's slow demise. In fairness, Carson isn't entirely to blame for the mind-numbing crawl. Now, we have snarky, Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg. Not only should she stop with the braid already, but realize she's rooting for the wrong team. If she truly cared about humans and all life on Earth, Thunberg should crown herself "Ambassador to Reality" and promote the quickening, downward spiral. To do otherwise, would be tyranny.

Here's another pet peeve: climate action based on increasing tree canopy. Seriously? if those trees weren't getting in the way of desperately needed new housing and roads to every imaginable place we no longer need to go because of a raging pandemic and delivery of all things to our door, maybe we wouldn't be at war with them. A friend wouldn't have been arrested for driving while drunk, asleep, texting, and eating all at the same time if that damn oak tree hadn't jumped out in front of him. He might otherwise be free!

Speaking of freedom, we need to put the brakes on all this free speech propaganda. Make it more like that other constitutional right: gun rights. Apply it arbitrarily and back it by special interest groups. Crushing masses are increasingly jailed for speaking out against everything from climate change to corrupt government and corporations, and from racial and economic inequity to so-called "mass incarceration" itself. But If we're going to get serious about bringing down planet Earth, shouldn't we pack more people into buildings like jail and prison, and profit off it? Mass incarceration. Voila!

But warehousing humans is just a drop in the bucket towards the coveted end. If we're going to put a ginormous dent in this acceleration process, we need to increase worldwide deforestation. But how, you ask? The fastest way is right under our fat, carnivorous noses: more large grazing animals. Now that we know methane produced by concentrated numbers of animals like cows and sheep is dozens of times more potent than any other source including industry and transportation combined, wouldn't we be remiss to not seize this golden opportunity by ramping it up?

Like no other action, animal consumption holds the keys. Think of the water consumption, virgin forest clearing, immeasurable methane output and, perhaps most importantly, putting one billion starving fellow humans and countless other species facing extinction out of their misery. How selfish can you be?

Speaking of animals, some may wonder what will happen to nonhuman species when the Great End comes. Well, bless your little heart. Sure, they've been here tens of millions of years longer than we. But if, with their inferior intelligence and worth, they haven't figured out a way to build a spacecraft to shove off and conquer another home in this or another solar system, then whose fault is it?

We need to focus on finding a way out for our species.

Coal has its part, since we need the lights on in order to research more ways to bring this hell hole to its knees, and order more stuff from amazon. So bring on the digging, stripping, mining, and feed these hungry utilities and greasy-palmed regulators.

While we're at it, let's increase fracking, polluting air and water, degrading soils which, despite those who argue for sequestering C02 emissions, holds potential for crop failure and worldwide starvation. All excellent ways to speed up the death spiral.

If you're not doing your part to bring this cruelty to a quicker stop, you're a sorry excuse for a human being. And if, with your huge mammalian neocortex, you can't follow along, put simpler: Let diseases run rampant; eat everything that doesn't move; build out more; cut down those effing trees; build more roads; make more humans; burn more coal and everything; shop more; drive more, a lot more.

Stop with the petty arguments about recycling and harvesting energy naturally. Think BIG! We can do this, people, if we put our big brains together.

Just think of it: A much bigger planet like Jupiter, or even an exoplanet, could be ours to plunder!